Realizations

3 min read

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locoman300's avatar
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while i may have been not so much myself as a love-struck imbecile lately i have come to see a new plan forming. for those of you who know what i am talking about when i say "the plan" i have found an entirely new set of paths for myself that i have locked off. i have also found out the for the time being i cannot do a damned thing about it but there are set events that can unlock new paths for me to take and can get me out of the pitfall i'm in. so leia when you read this realize all you have done is treat me as second best, you blow me off for even the slightest thing even though i spent time with you instead of spending time with my dying grandmother and decorating the christmas tree with my family, you may say im your best friend but in reality i believe you just want a safety net and when they remove the net for the actual show you cant perform because your scared of making a mistake, you say you love me but that's not true, if you loved me WE would be together WE would have been given that chance that was taken from us, taken from me. even the first time when i said i was done being a lapdog i thought i had done just that but i kept up with the act, and now i finally know what i need and your just dragging me away from it. i need a reason to live, something to fight for and i wont find it with you dragging me back into your shit all the time. so unless you finally realize that i was ALWAYS there for you even when nobody else was, that I loved you so much more than anyone else as to get to know you better than you knew yourself, that i did EVERYTHING to make you happy, even if it made me that much closer to my own death. and you know what? i did cry at your fathers funeral. after hearing all those stories i was sorry that i was never able to meet and become friends with a man that was spoken of so highly of by his peers, and because i would never get to call him father-in-law. but none of that is my choice now is it? i never used to call the shots, i always let it go and let whatever happens happen, but now i'm doing things my way. so unless you finally realize that i was there for you and had proven myself able to be your friend AND MORE and that you want a REAL family, then don't bother with me because that's all i want.
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